If you’re in distress and need support right now, call the Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) helpline free on 0800 58 58 58. You can also get support on Live Chat or WhatsApp.

I recommend CALM’s helpline over others as they use trained counsellors rather than volunteers. They also have an excellent Guide to Neurodiversity.

If you’re outside the UK, go to Befrienders Worldwide to find help in your country.

Or, go to: Suicide: Read This First.

Dyspraxia, medically known as Developmental Coordination Disorder or DCD, means you have difficulty with coordination, movement and often spatial awareness.

If you’re dyspraxic, you may have struggled with PE at school, with anything practical, and with performing in front of people. You may also have found non-verbal subjects like maths and science hard (see: dyscalculia), although not all dyspraxics do and this can also depend on how well you were taught.

For adults, dyspraxia can make it harder to do things around the house, like cooking a meal from scratch, learning to drive, or working in retail jobs where speed and presentation are important. Most dyspraxic adults can do some hands-on tasks which are part of their daily routine, but it may take more effort, and new skills will always take a bit longer to learn. Dyspraxics may also tend to spill or break things and get frustrated.

Dyspraxia is hugely under-recognised compared to other types of neurodivergence, which is frustrating for many dyspraxics.

Dyspraxia exists and matters in its own right. It isn’t:

• Dyslexia
• A ‘mild’ form of autism, ADHD or anything else (there is no ‘mild’ form of autism or ADHD. The term Asperger’s Syndrome is no longer used).

However, it’s common for dyspraxics to be multiply neurodivergent or have other health conditions (see ‘Other support needs that are common with dyspraxia and ADHD’) below.

It’s best to say ‘So-and-so is dypsraxic’ rather than ‘So-and-so’ has dyspraxia. This is known as ‘identity first language.’

ADHD stands for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, although this doesn’t really describe it at all. A ‘deficit’ means lack of attention. What ADHDers actually have is difficulty managing or regulating attention to things, which means paying the right amount of attention to the right thing at the right time,
to more than one thing at a time. Rather than lacking focus at all, we have trouble managing our focus, so we either lack focus, or we focus on something to the point of obsession, with no in-between. This obsessive focus is called hyperfocus. People tend to hyperfocus on things they’re really interested in, scared of or feel strongly about, which is sometimes called hyperfixation or fixation. Hyperfocus is often why we don’t recognise we have ADHD, and why we’ve done well at school and university, if that’s the case.

ADHD has been under-recognised in women and girls because our understanding is based around how it presents in boys. It’s not new or trendy and has existed throughout history. It isn’t a bandwagon: I found out I was dyspraxic in the early 2000s and have been writing about it since the early 2010s. The difference between then and now is that, happily, more people are listening, and more people (but by no means all people, sadly…) are getting the support they need.

Neurodiversity is the idea that people think and learn differently. It was first widely used in the autism community in the 1990s and is now used in relation to a group of neurological conditions, which includes ADHD, dyspraxia, dyslexia, dyscalculia and Tourette’s syndrome. These conditions share similarities and differences, and two or more of them often go together in one person, but not always, or to the same extent. It can also be said to include a wider range of neurological and mental health conditions, which not everyone agrees with.

Neurodivergent is often used as an umbrella term for the neurological conditions named above, or a person with one or more of these conditions. It’s not meant to replace condition labels where they’re needed and helpful. It shouldn’t be used as either a compliment, euphemism or insult.

Neurodivergent is a socio-political not a medical term, like ‘ethnic minority’ or ‘LGBTQ’ , so you shouldn’t say someone ‘has’ neurodivergence. You also shouldn’t say someone ‘has’ neurodiversity or ‘is’ neurodiverse. It’d be like saying someone ‘has’ ethnicity or introducing someone as ‘ethnically diverse.’

Dypraxia or ADHD may go with or overlap with other types of neurodivergence, like autism, dyslexia, dyscalculia and Tourette’s Syndrome.

A range of health conditions like epilepsy, chronic pain, hypermobility, gastrointestinal conditions, menstrual problems and sleep problems are thought to be more common in neurodivergent people.

I’m sometimes asked about autism and how to get an autism diagnosis. I haven’t been professionally diagnosed as autistic, but I recommend writer Katherine May’s excellent Autism Resource Guide, which I based the layout of this guide on.

Executive functions. Executive functions are the bosses of our brains. They’re a group of skills that help us organise our thoughts and feelings so we get things done. The executive functions are attention control, short-term memory, planning and prioritising, self-monitoring and managing your emotions. Dyspraxic and ADHD people tend to need help with many or all of these things. Problems with executive function aren’t the same as a lack of knowledge or talent, but if they aren’t recognised and supported, they make it more difficult to show what you know and can do.

Emotional regulation is another term for managing your emotions. It used to be part of the diagnostic criteria for ADHD but was dropped. This page explains why that was a mistake and why it’s important for ADHDers to understand.

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) is a term for extreme sensitivity to rejection or criticism – real or perceived. A lot of ADHDers have this experience as it’s related to emotional regulation (see above) and because ADHDers tend to experience a lot of rejection and criticism. Some people, including me, aren’t keen on the term RSD itself, because the psychiatrist who coined it argues that it’s specific to ADHD and should be treated with a specific medication brand. You can be extremely sensitive to rejection for other reasons, and other treatments can help. However, the experience is very real.

Nonverbal reasoning means being able to understand and analyse visual information, like patterns, images and diagrams, which tends to be hard for dyspraxics. If you’re professionally assessed for dyspraxia, your assessment might include nonverbal reasoning tests.

Masking means hiding traits or difficulties that are linked to dyspraxia or ADHD in order to fit in. This can be done deliberately or subconsciously without realising. Masking can be necessary or healthy, but excessive masking can be bad for mental health.

Meltdowns and shutdowns are extreme emotional reactions that involve either an intense outburst of emotion or being unable to move or speak. They’re most recognised in autistic people but increasingly also in ADHD, and stresses that are specific to being dyspraxic can trigger them too, as most people who’ve seen me chopping veg on a bad day will know. Meltdowns can be scary, confusing, or embarrassing for all concerned, but they can be managed. Late-diagnosed adults may have experienced meltdowns without understanding what they were or why they were happening. This useful page, written by an ADHD service, explains what an ADHD meltdown can look like and how to be supportive.

Stimming or repeat behaviour. Stimming is short for ‘self-stimulatory behaviour’, which means a repeat behaviour that’s calming or soothing. Everyone stims, but ADHD/autistic people tend to do it more often or more visibly. Stims can include pacing, hand flapping, body rocking, throat clearing, leg bouncing or cracking your knuckles. Some more subtle ones include humming, stroking or handling objects, nail biting, scrolling through your phone, rewatching a video or TV show or (my personal favourite) playing a song on repeat.

Hyperfocus is an intense focus that many ADHDers experience as the flip side to inattention and is one of the least-understood ADHD experiences.

Hyperfixation or fixation is something specific you hyperfocus on, like a hobby, interest or belief. Fixation is most commonly recognised in autism and sometimes called a special interest or special skill, although some adults find this patronising.

Limerance is a term that’s become popular in the ADHD and autism community in the time since my book went to press. It’s used similarly to hyperfocus or hyperfixation, but usually specifically to mean fixating on another person. It can mean a crush, or a non-romantic but intense interest in someone. It’s not specifically an ADHD or autism term, and comes from the 1970s book Love and Limerance by Dorothy Tenov, a 1970s psychotherapist who had nothing to do with neurodivergence. But it’s plausible that a lot of the therapy clients she described were people who’d be recognised as neurodivergent today.

The social model and the medical model of disability. The medical model sees disability as something to be fixed. The social model of disability says people are disabled by society’s attitude rather than the disability itself. I believe both models are needed in the world.

Ableism is social prejudice against disabled people. Internalised ableism is when social prejudices about disability affect the way we feel about ourselves.

“Maxine suffers from dyspraxia” Any more than you would introduce a piece about women’s health issues by saying “Maxine sufffers from femaleness.” You can use the word suffering when you’re talking about specific consequences of dyspraxia or ADHD, for example: “Maxine suffered years of anxiety.”

Functioning labels (‘mild’ or’ severe’, ‘high’ or ‘low’ functioning). Labelling some people as ‘high functioning’ often underestimates their challenges, while labelling others as ‘low functioning’ is dehumanising and either underestimates their ability or doesn’t accurately describe how they’re disabled (it is often co-occurring needs that make someone appear what’s termed “severely” autistic or ADHD). Instead, it’s best to be factual and focus on what someone needs. If you want to be brief without being demeaning, saying ‘high support needs’ is OK. Never assume you know the extent of someone’s difficulties unless you live with them – or possibly not even then.

‘Normal’ or ‘Abnormal.’ These words are very common and we all use them, but they can sound judgmental, especially when used about people. It’s better to say ‘common,’ ‘average’ or ‘typical.’

Using words very precisely and feeling very strongly about them may be part of someone’s neurodivergence and can sometimes come across the wrong way. Try to be understanding.

People also have different relationships with words and different preferences. It’s best to ask if you’re not sure.

For more about language and disability in general, I really recommend this page by the UK charity Scope.

For the most practical and up-to-date advice on getting a diagnosis in the UK, go to Dyspraxia UK or ADHD UK. (FYI, they’re separate organisations unrelated to each other).

Dr Liam Brown of Oriel Psychology, who did my dyspraxia assessment at university in 2005, has since retired, and Dr Stephen Humphries of Harley Therapy, who diagnosed my ADHD in 2020, died suddenly in 2024, so sadly I can’t recommend either of them. However, both their practices still exist and still offer assessments.

Chapter Two of my book has more about what to expect from a dyspraxia or ADHD assessment.

If you think someone you know might be dyspraxic or ADHD, these are some brief tips on how to have the conversation. This equally applies to autism, dyslexia or anything brain-related.

Decide if you’re the best person to bring it up or whether it would be better coming from someone else.

Try to be calm and non-judgemental. Don’t throw it at them during an argument.

Talk in ways they respond to. If they hate TikTok, they might not respond well to a TikTok reel.

Don’t overwhelm them with examples of negative things they do.

Living with someone who won’t name or accept their diagnosis can be frustrating, but you can’t force them to. Try not to push it too aggressively if they react badly.

There’s more on this in my book.

Attitudes to neurodivergence and disability: I avoid absolutist narratives which say ADHD is a superpower or a tragedy. I think social perfectionism and expectations of what people should be are harmful to neurodivergent people, while recognising the reality that these expectations exist.

Self-diagnosis: I support and accept self-diagnosis, which, given the spiralling waiting times/costs of a professional diagnosis, is the only option for many people.

Medication has been life-changing for me and I vehemently oppose stigma, but I accept not everyone can or wants to take it and I believe good non-medical support is just as important.

I’m supportive of everyone under the LGBTQ umbrella. There’s some anecdotal and research evidence linking ADHD and autism to being LGBTQ, and I mention some possible reasons for this in my book. Whatever link may exist for whatever reason is no reason to harm or dismiss either group.

• Rosemary Richings – Writer, editor and speaker. Author of the excellent (and as far as I know, only) other book on dyspraxia specifically for adult women, Stumbling Through Space and Time Living Life With Dyspraxia.
• Krystal-Bella Shaw – Founder of Dyspraxia Magazine
• Nicola Werenowska – Playwright and screenwriter
• Victoria Biggs – Academic, who wrote Caged in Chaos: A Dyspraxic Guide to Breaking Free as a teenager in the 2000s
• Kat Brown – Journalist and Author
• Naomi Rovnick – Journalist, Financial Times and Reuters
• Emma Case – Entrepreneur and founder of Women Beyond the Box
• Lucy Hobbs – Founder of The Future is ND
• Allie Brosh – Creator of the webcomic Hyperbole and a Half. Allie isn’t really recognised for being neurodivergent, and she’s not online much at the moment, but she has mentioned her ADHD and many of her webcomics reflected my experiences before I had words for them.

• Not Just Clumsy – A dyspraxia Instagram account
• Tumi the Black Dyspraxic – A lived experience account about dyspraxia from a black, male perspective
• Dyspraxia Memes and ADHD Meme Therapy – Both Instagram accounts
• Dani Donovan and Pina Varnel (adhd_alien) ADHD artists and illustrators who make popular comics about their experiences on Instagram and TikTok
• How to ADHD – YouTube channel by run by Jessica McCabe
• The Mini ADHD Coach – Instagram account run by a team of accredited therapists and educators
• Meredith Carder – Instagrammer, author of It All Makes Sense Now and accredited coach
• Patrick Casale – Instagrammer and accredited therapist who’s ADHDAu (ADHD and autistic)
• ADHD Aha podcast
• My ADHD Adventure – Instagram account selling pay-what-you-can eBooks to help people manage their ADHD
• ADHDoers, run by Inflow

DYSPRAXIA *

• Dyspraxia Magazine www.dyspraxiamagazine.com
• Dyspraxic Me https://dyspraxic.me.uk
• Dyspraxia/DCD Ireland www.dyspraxia.ie
• Dyspraxia Foundation USA https://dyspraxiausa.org
• DCD Australia https://dcdaustralia.org.au
• Dyspraxia Support Group of New Zealand https://dyspraxia.
  org.nz

* The Dyspraxia Foundation, the UK’s national dyspraxia charity, disbanded in 2024.

ADHD

• ADHD Foundation UK www.adhdfoundation.org.uk
• ADHDadultUK www.adhdadult.uk
• ADHD Aware https://adhdaware.org.uk
• ADHD UK https://adhduk.co.uk/about-adhd
• CHADD (US) https://chadd.org

COUNSELLING & THERAPY

• Directory of Counsellors and Therapists Dealing with Neurodiversity (UK)
• Directory of Neurodivergent Therapists (Worldwide)
• British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) Therapist Directory and Counselling Directory (UK). You can search these directories for therapists who specialise in ADHD or neurodivergence

COACHING

• Genius Within
• The ADHD Coach Directory

Bereavement obviously isn’t unique to neurodivergent people, but the combination of neurodivergence and grief can make life feel unmanageable. Because neurodivergent people tend to know a lot of other neurodivergent people, and because unsupported neurodivergence is linked to physical and mental health issues that can lead to early death, we’re also more likely to have experienced complicated grief, and at an earlier age.

You can find bereavement support from Cruse and What’s Your Grief. The charity Suicide&Co offers free counselling to people who have been bereaved or affected by suicide, and I’m one of their Ambassadors.

I’m inundated with online content about neurodivergence every day, and contrary to what you might have read in the latest culture war headline of doom, I think most of it’s helpful. But I recommend not going near the following:

• Substances marketed online as alternatives to ADHD medication.
• Life or work coaches who are dismissive of medication, or say you won’t need it if you do their course.
• Neurodiversity coaches who’ve only just been diagnosed themselves and aren’t trained or experienced at working with vulnerable people.
• Professionals who say they can diagnose any type of neurodivergence (or diagnose anything at all) from a single physical symptom or behaviour
• Any self-employed person who presents self-employment as a blanket quick fix for being out of work or struggling in the workplace. If you’re newly self-employed or looking into it, look for places like Joyfully Different and The Normal Zebra that support neurodivergent business founders and business leaders.