If you’re in distress and need support right now, call the Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) helpline free on 0800 58 58 58. You can also get support on Live Chat or WhatsApp.

I recommend CALM’s helpline over others as they use trained counsellors rather than volunteers. They also have an excellent Guide to Neurodiversity.

If you’re outside the UK, go to Befrienders Worldwide to find help in your country.

Dyspraxia, medically known as Developmental Coordination Disorder or DCD, means you have difficulty with coordination, movement and often spatial awareness.

If you’re dyspraxic, you may have struggled with PE at school, with anything practical, and with performing in front of people. You may also have found non-verbal subjects like maths and science hard (see: dyscalculia), although not all dyspraxics do and this can also depend on how well you were taught.

For adults, dyspraxia can make it harder to do things around the house, like cooking a meal from scratch, learning to drive, or working in retail jobs where speed and presentation are important. Most dyspraxic adults can do some hands-on tasks which are part of their daily routine, but it may take more effort, and new skills will always take a bit longer to learn. Dyspraxics may also tend to spill or break things and get frustrated.

Dyspraxia is hugely under-recognised compared to other types of neurodivergence, which is frustrating for many dyspraxics.

Dyspraxia exists and matters in its own right. It isn’t:

• Dyslexia
• A ‘mild’ form of autism, ADHD or anything else (there is no ‘mild’ form of autism or ADHD. The term Asperger’s Syndrome is no longer used).

However, it’s common for dyspraxics to be multiply neurodivergent or have other health conditions (see ‘Other support needs that are common with dyspraxia and ADHD’) below.

It’s best to say ‘So-and-so is dypsraxic’ rather than ‘So-and-so’ has dyspraxia. This is known as ‘identity first language.’

ADHD stands for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, although this doesn’t really describe it at all. A ‘deficit’ means lack of attention. What ADHDers actually have is difficulty managing or regulating attention to things, which means paying the right amount of attention to the right thing at the right time,
to more than one thing at a time. Rather than lacking focus at all, we have trouble managing our focus, so we either lack focus, or we focus on something to the point of obsession, with no in-between. This obsessive focus is called hyperfocus. People tend to hyperfocus on things they’re really interested in, scared of or feel strongly about, which is sometimes called hyperfixation or fixation. Hyperfocus is often why we don’t recognise we have ADHD, and why we’ve done well at school and university, if that’s the case.

ADHD has been under-recognised in women and girls because our understanding is based around how it presents in boys. It’s not new or trendy and has existed throughout history. It isn’t a bandwagon: I found out I was dyspraxic in the early 2000s and have been writing about it since the early 2010s. The difference between then and now is that, happily, more people are listening, and more people (but by no means all people, sadly…) are getting the support they need.

Neurodiversity is the idea that people think and learn differently. It was first widely used in the autism community in the 1990s and is now used in relation to a group of neurological conditions, which includes ADHD, dyspraxia, dyslexia, dyscalculia and Tourette’s syndrome. These conditions share similarities and differences, and two or more of them often go together in one person, but not always, or to the same extent. It can also be said to include a wider range of neurological and mental health conditions, which not everyone agrees with (see below).

Neurodivergent is often used as an umbrella term for the neurological conditions named above, or a person with one or more of these conditions. It’s not meant to replace condition labels where they’re needed and helpful. It’s not a compliment, a euphemism or an insult.

Neurodivergent is a sociological not a medical term, like ‘ethnic minority’ or ‘LGBTQ’ , so you shouldn’t say someone ‘has’ neurodivergence. It’d be like saying someone ‘has’ ethnicity, or introducing someone as ‘ethnically diverse.’

Understandably, this can be confusing. A quick explainer:

You should use ‘neurodivergent’ when you’re referring to a specific person or group of people, e.g:“Jane is neurodivergent.”“The space is designed with the needs of neurodivergent people in mind…”

You can also use ‘neurodivergent’ if someone has several diagnoses or a mishmash of traits and it would be needlessly clunky to list each one, e.g: “Jane, 42, from Reigate, says her neurodivergence influenced her ideas for the rennovation…” instead of “Jane, 42, from Reigate, says dyspraxia, ADHD and autism have influenced her ideas for the rennovation…”

Use ‘neurodiversity’ or ‘neurodiverse’ similarly to how you’d use ‘biodiversity’ or ‘biodiverse’ in a sentence, like: “The biodiversity of our oceans….” For example: “The neurodiversity of our workforce…”

If you’re not sure, just ask.

Both are to do with how people experience the world. There are also important differences between them.

Mental health problems (like OCD, phobias, eating disorders, bipolar disorder, psychosis, anxiety or depression):

• Cause distress.
• Can be brought on by life events or age, as well as run in families.
• Are usually episodic or situational (they come and go, or have specific triggers).

Neurodivergence usually refers to ADHD, autism, dyspraxia, dyscalculia and dyslexia. Which:

• Are most recognisable when they cause distress. There can be positive sides to certain aspects.
• Are usually present from birth, and thought to run in families.
• Look different depending on the situation, and at different ages or life stages, rather than coming and going (although medication can make ADHD look more episodic, as it kicks in and wears off at the beginning and end of each day).
• Aren’t mental health problems themselves, but can go with or lead to mental health problems, especially if not recognised and supported. Anxiety, depression, eating disorders, OCD and trauma are the most associated.

Dypraxia or ADHD may go with or overlap with other types of neurodivergence, like autism, dyslexia, dyscalculia and Tourette’s Syndrome.

A range of health conditions like epilepsy, chronic pain, hypermobility, gastrointestinal conditions, menstrual problems and sleep problems are thought to be more common in neurodivergent people.

Executive functions. Executive functions are the bosses of our brains. They’re a group of skills that help us organise our thoughts and feelings so we get things done. The executive functions are attention control, short-term memory, planning and prioritising, self-monitoring and managing your emotions. Dyspraxic and ADHD people tend to need help with many or all of these things. Problems with executive function aren’t the same as a lack of knowledge or talent, but if they aren’t recognised and supported, they make it more difficult to show what you know and can do.

Emotional regulation is another term for managing your emotions. It used to be part of the diagnostic criteria for ADHD but was dropped. This page explains why that was a mistake and why it’s important for ADHDers to understand.

Hyperfocus is an intense focus that many ADHDers experience as the flip side to inattention and is one of the least-understood ADHD experiences. It can apply to tasks, hobbies, events or people and relationships, and can be helpful or not depending on when and where you apply it. A specific hyperfocus is sometimes called a hyperfixation or fixation. It’s different to mania, addictions or compulsions, which are part of different diagnoses but may go together in some people.

Limerance, a 1970s psychology term for romantic infatuation coined by Dorothy Tennov, has become popular online, and is sometimes used in the neurodivergent community as another word for hyperfocus or fixation. Importantly, although hyperfocus related to a person can be a sign of romantic interest or wanting to be close to someone, it isn’t necessarily, and can come across that way unintentionally. It can also be totally internal, or related to someone you’ll never know, like a public figure, someone from history, or even a fictional character. Hyperfocus can go with a range of feelings but is primarily driven by interest. It isn’t stalking or love-bombing, which are driven by control or delusions.

Rejection sensitivity / Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) is a term for extreme sensitivity to rejection or criticism – real or perceived. A lot of neurodivergent people have this experience as it’s related to emotional regulation (see above) and/or because we tend to experience a lot of criticism related to our neurodivergence. Some people, including me, aren’t keen on the term RSD itself, because the psychiatrist who coined it argues that it’s specific to ADHD and should be treated with a specific medication brand. You can be extremely sensitive to rejection for other reasons, and other treatments can help. However, the experience is very real.

Nonverbal reasoning means being able to understand and analyse visual information, like patterns, images and diagrams, which tends to be hard for dyspraxics. If you’re professionally assessed for dyspraxia, your assessment might include nonverbal reasoning tests.

Masking means hiding traits or difficulties that are linked to dyspraxia or ADHD in order to fit in. This can be done deliberately or subconsciously without realising. Masking can be necessary or healthy, but excessive masking can be bad for mental health.

Meltdowns and shutdowns are extreme emotional reactions that involve either an intense outburst of emotion or being unable to move or speak. They’re most recognised in autistic people but increasingly also in ADHD, and stresses that are specific to being dyspraxic can trigger them too, as most people who’ve seen me chopping veg on a bad day will know. Meltdowns can be worrying, confusing, or embarrassing for all concerned, but they can be managed. Late-diagnosed adults may have experienced meltdowns without understanding what they were or why they were happening. This useful page, written by an ADHD service, explains what an ADHD meltdown can look like and how to be supportive.

Stimming or repeat behaviour. Stimming is short for ‘self-stimulatory behaviour’, which means a repeat behaviour that’s calming or soothing. Everyone stims, but ADHD/autistic people tend to do it more often or more visibly. Stims can include pacing, hand flapping, body rocking, throat clearing, leg bouncing or cracking your knuckles. Some more subtle ones include humming, stroking or handling objects, nail biting, scrolling through your phone, rewatching a video or TV show or (my personal favourite) playing a song on repeat.

The social model and the medical model of disability. The medical model sees disability as something to be fixed. The social model of disability says people are disabled by society’s attitude rather than the disability itself. I believe both models are needed in the world.

Ableism is social prejudice against disabled people. Internalised ableism is when social prejudices about disability affect the way we feel about ourselves.

“Maxine suffers from dyspraxia/ADHD” Any more than you would introduce a piece about women’s health issues by saying “Maxine sufffers from femaleness.” You can use the word suffering when you’re talking about specific consequences of dyspraxia or ADHD, for example: “Maxine suffered years of anxiety.”

Functioning labels (‘mild’ or’ ‘severe’; ‘high’ or ‘low’ functioning). Labelling some people as ‘high functioning’ often underestimates their challenges, while labelling others as ‘low functioning’ is dehumanising and either underestimates their ability or doesn’t accurately describe how they’re disabled (it’s often co-occurring needs that make someone appear what’s termed “severely” autistic or ADHD). Instead, it’s best to be factual and focus on what someone needs. If you want to be brief without being demeaning, ‘high support needs’ is preferable. Don’t assume you know the extent of someone’s challenges unless you’ve lived with them for a significant amount of time – possibly not even then.

‘Normal’ or ‘Abnormal.’ These words are very common and we all use them, but they can sound judgmental, especially when used about people. It’s better to say ‘common,’ ‘average’ or ‘typical.’

‘Inspirational‘, ‘brave’, ‘heroic.’ You can use words like these to describe someone’s specific achievements: “An inspiring book…”, “A heroic rescue…”, “A brave journey in freezing temperatures…” etc. But avoid calling a neurodivergent or disabled person these things just for existing.

Using words very precisely and feeling very strongly about them may be part of someone’s neurodivergence and can sometimes come across the wrong way. Try to be understanding.

People also have different relationships with words and different preferences. It’s best to ask if you’re not sure.

For more about language and disability in general, I really recommend this page by the UK charity Scope.

For the most practical and up-to-date advice on getting a diagnosis in the UK, go to Dyspraxia UK or ADHD UK. (FYI, they’re separate organisations unrelated to each other).

Dr Liam Brown of Oriel Psychology, who did my dyspraxia assessment at university in 2005, has since retired, and Dr Stephen Humphries of Harley Therapy, who diagnosed my ADHD in 2020, died suddenly in 2024, so sadly I can’t recommend either of them. However, both their practices still exist and still offer assessments.

I was able to pay for these assessments because of specific financial support I had at those times in my life, bearing in mind I was a 21-year-old student when I got my dyspraxia diagnosis, and got my ADHD diagnosis during the pandemic.

Chapter Two of my book has more about what to expect from a dyspraxia or ADHD assessment.

People have also asked me how to get an autism diagnosis. I’m not the person to ask as I haven’t been professionally diagnosed as autistic. This webpage by online autistic community Squarepeg, and this video series by the National Autistic Society both look helpful. I’d also recommend writer Katherine May’s excellent Autism Resource Guide, which I based the layout of this guide on.

If you think someone you know might be dyspraxic or ADHD, these are some brief tips on how to have the conversation. This equally applies to autism, dyslexia or anything brain-related.

Decide if you’re the best person to bring it up or whether it would be better coming from someone else.

Try to be calm and non-judgemental. Don’t throw it at them during an argument.

Talk in ways they respond to. If they hate TikTok, they might not respond well to a TikTok reel.

Don’t overwhelm them with examples of negative things they do.

Living with someone who won’t name or accept their diagnosis can be frustrating, but you can’t force them to. Try not to push it too aggressively if they react badly.

There’s more on this in my book.

Attitudes to neurodivergence and disability: I avoid absolutist narratives which say ADHD is a superpower or a tragedy. I think social perfectionism and expectations of what people should be are harmful to neurodivergent people, while recognising the reality that these expectations exist.

Self-diagnosis: I support and accept self-diagnosis, which, given the spiralling waiting times/costs of a professional diagnosis, is the only option for many people. I also recognise that a professional diagnosis can be extremely important when it comes to finding the right support, as diagnoses which look similar can have very different treatments, especially medication.

Medication: The right medication has been life-changing for me, and I vehemently oppose stigma, but I accept not everyone can or wants to take it and believe good non-medical support is just as important.

Use of AI: Like most technology, AI can be used for good or ill. As a freelancer with ADHD, I’ve used Claude AI mindfully to help me manage my time.

I’m supportive of everyone under the LGBTQ umbrella. There’s some anecdotal and research evidence linking ADHD and autism to being LGBTQ, and I mention some possible reasons for this in my book. Whatever link may exist for whatever reason is no reason to harm or dismiss either group.

• Rosemary Richings – Writer, editor and speaker. Author of the excellent (and as far as I know, only) other book on dyspraxia specifically for adult women, Stumbling Through Space and Time Living Life With Dyspraxia.
• Krystal-Bella Shaw – Founder of Dyspraxia Magazine
• Nicola Werenowska – Playwright and screenwriter
• Alice Hewson – Author of Neurodiversity in the Workplace
• Victoria Biggs – Academic, who wrote Caged in Chaos: A Dyspraxic Guide to Breaking Free as a teenager in the 2000s
• Kat Brown – Journalist and Author
• Naomi Rovnick – Journalist, Financial Times and Reuters
• Emma Case – Entrepreneur and founder of Women Beyond the Box
• Lucy Hobbs – Founder of The Future is ND
• Allie Brosh – Creator of the webcomic Hyperbole and a Half. Allie isn’t really recognised for being neurodivergent, and she’s not online much at the moment, but she has mentioned her ADHD and many of her webcomics reflected my experiences before I had words for them.

Like me, most of these women are writers. They are from a range of backgrounds, and this is a non-exhaustive list.

• Not Just Clumsy – A dyspraxia Instagram account
• Tumi the Black Dyspraxic – A lived experience account about dyspraxia from a black, male perspective
• Dyspraxia Memes and ADHD Meme Therapy – Both Instagram accounts
• Dani Donovan and Pina Varnel (adhd_alien) ADHD artists and illustrators who make popular comics about their experiences on Instagram and TikTok
• How to ADHD – YouTube channel by run by Jessica McCabe
• The Mini ADHD Coach – Instagram account run by a team of accredited therapists and educators
• Meredith Carder – Instagrammer, author of It All Makes Sense Now and accredited coach
• Patrick Casale – Instagrammer and accredited therapist who’s ADHDAu (ADHD and autistic)
• ADHD Aha podcast
• My ADHD Adventure – Instagram account selling pay-what-you-can eBooks to help people manage their ADHD
• ADHDoers, run by Inflow

DYSPRAXIA *

• Dyspraxia Magazine www.dyspraxiamagazine.com
• Dyspraxic Me https://dyspraxic.me.uk
• Dyspraxia/DCD Ireland www.dyspraxia.ie
• Dyspraxia Foundation USA https://dyspraxiausa.org
• DCD Australia https://dcdaustralia.org.au
• Dyspraxia Support Group of New Zealand https://dyspraxia.
  org.nz

* The Dyspraxia Foundation, the UK’s national dyspraxia charity, disbanded in 2024.

ADHD

• ADHD UK https://adhduk.co.uk/about-adhd
• ADHDadultUK www.adhdadult.uk
• ADHD Aware https://adhdaware.org.uk
• CHADD (US) https://chadd.org

COUNSELLING & THERAPY

• Directory of Counsellors and Therapists Dealing with Neurodiversity (UK)
• Directory of Neurodivergent Therapists (Worldwide)
• British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) Therapist Directory and Counselling Directory (UK). You can search these directories for therapists who specialise in ADHD or neurodivergence

COACHING

• Genius Within
• The ADHD Coach Directory

WEBSITES WITH GOOD, FREE LIFE & RELATIONSHIP ADVICE *

• Captain Awkward
• Dr Nerdlove
• Scarlateen sex ed & relationships
• The 5 Geek Social Fallacies

*NB: These sites are American, not ND-specific, and (except for Scarlateen) not professional advice

Bereavement obviously isn’t unique to neurodivergent people, but the combination of neurodivergence and grief can make life feel unmanageable. Because neurodivergent people tend to know a lot of other neurodivergent people, and because unsupported neurodivergence is linked to physical and mental health issues that can lead to early death, we’re also more likely to have experienced complicated grief, and at an earlier age.

You can find bereavement support from Cruse (UK) and What’s Your Grief (US). The charity Suicide&Co offers free counselling to people in England, Wales or Scotland who have been bereaved or affected by suicide – I’m proudly one of their Ambassadors.

There is plenty of helpful and unhelpful information about neurodivergence online, and what’s helpful or unhelpful to one person may be different for another.

Examples of misinformation or unhelpful content can include:

• Claims that ADHD/dyspraxia isn’t a legitimate or helpful diagnosis.
• Claims that ADHD, dyspraxia or any type of neurodivergence can be professionally diagnosed from a single physical symptom or behaviour (like a back problem) or from answering a single question (like a puzzle or an inkblot test).
• Substances or diets that are marketed as alternatives to ADHD medication.
• Claims that a specific brand of medication or practitioner is the only one that can treat ADHD/a particular aspect of ADHD.
• The claim that ADHD is related to object permanence (It isn’t).
• The claim that written or online communication is always easier for neurodivergent people than face-to-face. While this can absolutely be true, the opposite can also be true sometimes, especially if messaging is a hyperfocus for you.
• Claims that self-employment is a quick, easy fix for being out of work or struggling in the workplace. Self-employment works for many neurodivergent people, but it’s rarely quick or easy. If you’re newly self-employed or looking into it, look for places like Joyfully Different and The Normal Zebra that support neurodivergent business founders and leaders.
• Neurodiversity coaches or therapists with little or no training, especially if their own diagnosis is very recent.

Places that challenge misinformation in good faith include The ADHD Evidence Project and The New Scientist. Psychologist Lucy Foulkes is an excellent writer and researcher on young people’s mental health and wellbeing more broadly.